“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honour your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” – Ephesians 6:1-3

As the theme of this month’s articles relate to the idea of worshiping God in the family, I was somewhat moved to write an article from the perspective of children. The previous article has talked about worshiping God in the family as parents, and a lot of articles and resources have discussed so much about the important role of parenthood, but what about children?

In this article, when I refer to ‘children’, I’m not simply talking about the young children and teenagers (If they somehow came across this article, all I can say is kids, get off the Internet!). But the ‘children’ here refers to most of us – young adults, and perhaps even adults – who have the fortune to have our parents alive and be with us still. 

You may be an independent adult who no longer lives with your parents for a long time. But if your parents are still alive in this world, then like it or not, you still hold the role and duties as the child of your parents.

So what led me to write this article? I like observing, reading, and learning about our societies and cultures. And for so many times, whenever I’m reading books about current societies or even go to Youtube and Instagram, it is clear that we are living in an age where philosophies that promote moral relativism and individualism have shaped societies and people who dishonour and suspicious towards authoritative figures, including our parents.

Some would say that their parents’ perspectives are outdated and old-school. So ignore their advice and words, for your parents’ words hold no relevance to your lives, but what matters is what you say and think for your lives.

Such a way of thinking clearly contradicts God’s will for children. What does God want us to do in our relationship with our parents? How can we honor God through our conducts and actions towards our parents? To answer that, we need to look at God’s command for us all.

God values the role of parents highly

Whereas our cultures tell us how outdated and irrelevant our parents are, God values highly of the authority God has bestowed in our parents. God values honouring parents so much that He even included it as one of the commands in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12). Later on, this command in the New Testament (Ephesians 6:1-3). Paul even went on further and warned Timothy that disobedience to parents is one of the godliness people have in the last days (2 Timothy 3:2). 

One thing we know about our God is that everything that He does is purposeful. So God’s value towards our parents and His command for us to honour and obey them is not a random and meaningless command. So why does God put such high value on honoring our parents?

Perhaps going back to Genesis may help us understand this. In Genesis 1:26, God said “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness”. Following that, in v.28 God commanded Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth”. In a sense, your parents’ parenthood takes a pattern from God Himself. Marshall Seagal in one of his articles wrote, “New life comes from the intense and intimate love between a husband and wife because human life began from the intense and intimate love within God… Life was the natural overflow of [God’s] love”.

The existence of our parents is a reminder of the overflowing love of God that spills to the creation. Even though our parents are imperfect and sometimes fail to love us, our parents are a reflection that reminds us of the greater, purer, and more reliable Love that created us.

Honouring our parents is a reflection of our relationship with God

The Bible frequently paints the relationship between God and His people akin to a relationship between parents and children. In the Old Testament, God is the Father of Israel, and Israel is the children. Deuteronomy 8:5 said “Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you”. In the New Testament, through Jesus Christ, the relationship that believers have with God becomes analogous with the relationship that Jesus Christ (the Son) has with God the Father (Galatians 4:6-7). And so, the relationship between our earthly parents and us, becomes somewhat a reflection of the relationship between God and us. 

Parents, then, become the first training ground for us to learn to honour and obey God. After all, our parents are the first authoritative role in this world that we encounter in life. Furthermore, we may not realize it, but the parent-child relationship plays a large role in influencing the course of our lives. When we refuse to obey the authorities at home, we will be that much more likely to disobey rulers, bosses, pastors, and ultimately God himself.

Restoring back honour and obedience for our parents

So, how can we restore honour back to our parents as adults? Here, I’m offering only two suggestions. The reason for the limited suggestions is that I believe that these two things that we can do will foreground the other actions and attitudes to honour our parents. 

As Jesus said in Matthew 23: 25-26, “Woe to you… You clean the outside of the cup and dish,but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence… First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean”. We can do many acts of kindness to our parents, but do so with a grumbling heart because we are doing it forcefully. But let’s start with examining our attitudes in heart, and ask the Holy Spirit to transform our heart so that we may be able to honour and obey our parents with a right attitude that pleases God.

1. Give thanks to God for the parents He has chosen for you: I think this is one of, if not the most important, aspect that we can start doing before doing other things for our parents, and that is to give thanks to God for the parents He has given for you. There are billions of people living in this world, and the fact that God chose this man and woman to be the parents for you is significant. They are a gift that God has specifically given for you. Yes, disagreement and conflict may still occur between us and our parents. After all, they are also imperfect and flawed humans (Aren’t we all?). But when we acknowledge that they did not become our parents by some random chance, but a part of our sovereign God’s will for us, then we’d be able to honour them with love and respect, because now we know that their presence is a gift God has bestowed for us.
2. Humble ourselves: As we grow older, the authoritative role of our parents over our lives decreases. As we become adults, we make decisions independently and learn to survive by ourselves. However, our independence often unknowingly makes us arrogant and prideful, it makes us feel that we don’t need to listen to our parents because we know what is best for us. But remember, that our relationship with our parents is a mirror to our relationship with God. When you think about it, our inability to honour our parents because of our arrogance, is exactly the same attitude that we often have with God. We frequently think that we know better about our lives than the omnipotent God that we refuse to listen and trust Him.

So what shall we do?

Repent and acknowledge that we are not the most knowledgeable, strongest, and capable person, and that God has put many people in our lives, including our parents, to be His agents to lead and guide us. As I have said earlier, we may disagree on some things with our parents, and the case may be more severe if your parents are unbelievers. But if we come to our parents with a humble heart and spirit, I believe that it is possible for us to honour and obey them, even when conflicts arise.

Whereas the teachings of the current age pushes us to become more self-reliant and individualistic, God’s call to rely on and walk with other people, such as our parents, is a comforting reminder that we are not meant to live in solitary, but in communion with others.

I pray that this article encourages us to not take our parents for granted. I pray that none of us will spend our later years in guilt and regret, of thinking “I should’ve done better” and the ‘what-ifs’ If your parents are still around in this world, let’s honour and love them accordingly, because one day there will be a time where they won’t be around anymore. And if you find it hard to do so, know that God has given you the Helper that can teach and exhort you to walk in righteousness, that you may be able to love your parents, even when it’s difficult.